This is the blog of my angst

Apparently.

Again with the violence. I have no tolerance for the petty mean spiritedness that pervades some mind sets, especially within my own family. There is a crassness that invades with words, which then shape thought and produce behaviors and actions that someone always ends up affronted by...I detest the feelings of control in some that feed off the vulnerability of their surroundings.
It makes me feel threatened, as if my own peace of mind can be carried off by the malfeasance of someone's error. Because it is error, a wrongness to be right, a never-ending condescension of a world unworthy.
The smallness of it is frighteningly pity-producing and inescapably disturbing. All of this compounded by cognitive dysfunction in one individual in particular. I have distanced myself in someways, but in others there will never be enough distance. I will be disillusioned about him for the rest of my days, and regret his life story for him. I still don't believe in forgiving the unforgivable. There are others ways, an understanding, an empathy that can be an outreach of sorts, I have little else to give in that respect.
The world is too small and life too short for this to be acceptable. My entire life will be a 'No' to violence, while I affirm the life-giving, beautiful outreach that can be a gentle touch.

Genius

Even Leonardo DaVinci had bad luck in love. I bring this up because I was just educated as to the detraction Mary Wollstonecraft & Edna St. Vincent Millay received because of their love lives. Messy....how many great, deep thinkers were good at the most important connection you can have with another person???

Weird to think about huh? I could be a prime example, I'm what you'd call a deep thinker, and over-analytical get in my own way kind of thinker. I scored very well on the MAT....and I'm an idiot when it comes to this kind of relationship...I'm not like Mary - threatening to kill myself, or Edna with a coterie of lovers hanging about.

I'm too busy for either of that. But it goes to show if you are straining your brain to be immensely creative in someway - you maybe burn up that energy towards a good lasting relationship with a loving partner.

Just a thought. Though I'm sure someone out there has managed it.