I'm complicated, but in a very simple straight-forward way. It's only because I've lived a very varied life, and there's a lot of different and sometimes extreme experiences behind this 'me' of the present moment. This isn't unique, we've all got this in some form. So how do we move about seemingly so integrated and seamless when we're this complex design of impulses drafted from the memory of thousands of decisions?
As some say it's because only the present moment actually exists, but the existential question is still there, I am not remade in each moment - am I?? It doesn't feel like that. Rather I respond to the present moment based on my response to all the previous moments.
Does my brain relive my entire life in an instantaneous moment to react to something new? Or are we creatures of instinct, habit?
Both. See complicatedly simple.
Because it's when we recognize our patterns of decisions that we empower ourselves to change, grow and mature into our lives.
I'm giving the god all my old patterns, he can hold them in safekeeping. I'm making some new ones.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"Never economize on flowers"
Marjorie Hillis said that, an editor of Vanity Fair in the nineteen thirties. It's wisdom to live by, because it's not just on flowers, but what flowers symbolize...the beauty of impermanence, the passing of time, the experience of opening buds and falling petals.
These are things not to be cheap with, not to skimp on because it's noticing that moment of beauty when the tulips are bursting with vitality the second day in the vase and the graceful slump of the stems as the days wear on.
I love the solid soft color of tulips. Ever since I was younger and saw a bouquet of red ones in a clear glass bowl on my great aunt's dining room table. How splendid they were, crossing stems grass green and petals the red of a mother's lips. It struck me as a noble and steadfastly romantic flower. Not the romance of lovers, but the romance of Life.
Tulips are like an old friend, comfortable to have around and sad to see them gone. Here in the earliest reaches towards the first hint of Spring, I'll keep a vase on my dresser reserved.
These are things not to be cheap with, not to skimp on because it's noticing that moment of beauty when the tulips are bursting with vitality the second day in the vase and the graceful slump of the stems as the days wear on.
I love the solid soft color of tulips. Ever since I was younger and saw a bouquet of red ones in a clear glass bowl on my great aunt's dining room table. How splendid they were, crossing stems grass green and petals the red of a mother's lips. It struck me as a noble and steadfastly romantic flower. Not the romance of lovers, but the romance of Life.
Tulips are like an old friend, comfortable to have around and sad to see them gone. Here in the earliest reaches towards the first hint of Spring, I'll keep a vase on my dresser reserved.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
The "25 things on Facebook" phenomena
I did my 25 things but didn't widely publish it on Facebook. I'd rather use Facebook to reconnect or stay in touch with friends. If you want to know about me other than that, you'll just have to read the old blog here.
There's a richness in life changes that is overwhelming at times. Change for good or bad...how do we explore it, express it, assimilate it into who we were, who are we now?
The daily minutiae of living has an impact on my perception of where I am on my journey in this life. Moving to a new apartment, a new neighborhood doesn't change who I am, but it changes those little details of things I do that are formed by who I am and opportunity. Imagination comes into play, what shall I do with the new opportunities presented? I live closer to the ocean, will oceanside walks become more frequent than before? Will I just walk or stop and look? Exercise or Observation?
Are eider ducks just winter residents or are they a type of skelkie searching for their lost loves?
Do Northern Robins wear down underwear or are their feathers just different colors?
It's rebuilding, reaffirming and revitalizing to have a fresh change of pace. Paces get old and weary and something is bound to be not what you thought it was. My Zen calendar tells me to remember that, there is always something that is not what you thought.
Stop trying to make reality too real. And for me in particular, bring clarity to discernment of what is really there at all.
So here's 25 things
1. I love my cat profoundly.
2. There's way to much white in interiors and never enough hooks to hang stuff.
3. the ocean is a soothing balm and I can't live without it.
4. I really want to get published (again) but it frightens me a little.
5. I love and hate being alone
6. I'm addicted to Rite-Aid brand chocolate covered peanuts
7. I kick ass at making a place "My" space
8. our society really scares me sometimes.
9. Intellectually I don't get Jesus
10. #9 was tough in theology school
11. going to theology school was one of the most amazing things I've done
12. if god truly wanted to suffer he'd have come to Earth as a woman, see Mary.
13. I really believe in the thing most people call "god".
14. I don't have a good name for divinity yet, but it's all about the mystery anyway.
15. All these "I" statements are not aesthetically pleasing
16. My new neighbor just brought over some Toll House cookies she made.
17. I love Rockport.
18. I don't really want to think of any more things to list.
19. So I'm stopping now.
There's a richness in life changes that is overwhelming at times. Change for good or bad...how do we explore it, express it, assimilate it into who we were, who are we now?
The daily minutiae of living has an impact on my perception of where I am on my journey in this life. Moving to a new apartment, a new neighborhood doesn't change who I am, but it changes those little details of things I do that are formed by who I am and opportunity. Imagination comes into play, what shall I do with the new opportunities presented? I live closer to the ocean, will oceanside walks become more frequent than before? Will I just walk or stop and look? Exercise or Observation?
Are eider ducks just winter residents or are they a type of skelkie searching for their lost loves?
Do Northern Robins wear down underwear or are their feathers just different colors?
It's rebuilding, reaffirming and revitalizing to have a fresh change of pace. Paces get old and weary and something is bound to be not what you thought it was. My Zen calendar tells me to remember that, there is always something that is not what you thought.
Stop trying to make reality too real. And for me in particular, bring clarity to discernment of what is really there at all.
So here's 25 things
1. I love my cat profoundly.
2. There's way to much white in interiors and never enough hooks to hang stuff.
3. the ocean is a soothing balm and I can't live without it.
4. I really want to get published (again) but it frightens me a little.
5. I love and hate being alone
6. I'm addicted to Rite-Aid brand chocolate covered peanuts
7. I kick ass at making a place "My" space
8. our society really scares me sometimes.
9. Intellectually I don't get Jesus
10. #9 was tough in theology school
11. going to theology school was one of the most amazing things I've done
12. if god truly wanted to suffer he'd have come to Earth as a woman, see Mary.
13. I really believe in the thing most people call "god".
14. I don't have a good name for divinity yet, but it's all about the mystery anyway.
15. All these "I" statements are not aesthetically pleasing
16. My new neighbor just brought over some Toll House cookies she made.
17. I love Rockport.
18. I don't really want to think of any more things to list.
19. So I'm stopping now.
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