That’s for me.
The darkening purple haze on the horizon and the rhythmic lapping of the waves.
That’s for me.
The seaside apartment just a short walk from the rocky cliff and the ocean, huge and immaculate.
That’s for me.
The howling cry that erupted from my mouth, alone in the car.
That’s for me.
The comforting feeling of sitting on granite, arms around my bent legs hugging myself in the sea breeze.
That’s for me.
Whatever I am called on to do: for family, for friends, neighbors or job.
This is for me.
An ocean side home, a cat waiting on the couch. The sea breeze and the smell of old salt and fathoms of depths that beckon.
That is all for me.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Your parents will grow old
I've had some time to think about my parents aging. In my wonderful circle of friends, I am one of the youngest but I have the oldest parents. I am the youngest child in my family and I have made a point of talking to some older women I've known about how they cared for their parents.
It is a hard thing, because roles reverse. I am taking care of my parents now, out of love and gratitude for the life they've given me. It's hard work and I worry about them all the time. If you haven't experienced this yet, prepare yourself for a very hard and hurtful time if they get ill and their quality of life begins to decline. There isn't all you can do to prepare yourself for that except to do whatever is in your power to help them, no matter how small it may seem to you.
One thing, don't get too upset in front of them, it can make them feel they are burdening you unnecessarily. A long drive on an interstate at night is a good time and place to scream your head off and cry like mad.
Do what you can to help them, learn as much as you can about whatever ails them and search out resources to help you. Local agencies, social workers, medical information websites etc...
And the best thing to do, the most wonderful part of spending more time with them is having more opportunity to hear their stories; personal and family histories that can be surprising, maddening, beautiful and funny.
My mother is a beautiful, funny, poetic and intelligent woman. Sure she has her faults and there are times when I wish she would not tell me exactly what she thinks, but she's mine.
My father is in the hospital now and that really defines what a person means to you. How scared I was when I called for an ambulance, how afraid when two days later I had a chance to cry alone over the possibility of him dying. It's hard to contemplate life without him, knowing that someday he won't be in his favorite spot in the living room, or just on the other end of the phone.
Unfortunately we all know that will happen at some point.
Well he is not a death's door any longer, but he is going to need more care than he ever did before. I've a few days now for myself; to rest and recharge before I need to go back to them and help them get through a few more medical hurdles.
I am tired and drained, but I miss them already and will be happy to see them again.
It's tough that so many families live away form each other. My family is pretty spread out across the Eastern seaboard and west into Texas. It's a 2 hour drive for me to get to my parents house. That makes it hard on all of us now. Families can think about the support networks they will need as they get older, as parents age and babies are born. It takes that community of family to make a family function.
It is a hard thing, because roles reverse. I am taking care of my parents now, out of love and gratitude for the life they've given me. It's hard work and I worry about them all the time. If you haven't experienced this yet, prepare yourself for a very hard and hurtful time if they get ill and their quality of life begins to decline. There isn't all you can do to prepare yourself for that except to do whatever is in your power to help them, no matter how small it may seem to you.
One thing, don't get too upset in front of them, it can make them feel they are burdening you unnecessarily. A long drive on an interstate at night is a good time and place to scream your head off and cry like mad.
Do what you can to help them, learn as much as you can about whatever ails them and search out resources to help you. Local agencies, social workers, medical information websites etc...
And the best thing to do, the most wonderful part of spending more time with them is having more opportunity to hear their stories; personal and family histories that can be surprising, maddening, beautiful and funny.
My mother is a beautiful, funny, poetic and intelligent woman. Sure she has her faults and there are times when I wish she would not tell me exactly what she thinks, but she's mine.
My father is in the hospital now and that really defines what a person means to you. How scared I was when I called for an ambulance, how afraid when two days later I had a chance to cry alone over the possibility of him dying. It's hard to contemplate life without him, knowing that someday he won't be in his favorite spot in the living room, or just on the other end of the phone.
Unfortunately we all know that will happen at some point.
Well he is not a death's door any longer, but he is going to need more care than he ever did before. I've a few days now for myself; to rest and recharge before I need to go back to them and help them get through a few more medical hurdles.
I am tired and drained, but I miss them already and will be happy to see them again.
It's tough that so many families live away form each other. My family is pretty spread out across the Eastern seaboard and west into Texas. It's a 2 hour drive for me to get to my parents house. That makes it hard on all of us now. Families can think about the support networks they will need as they get older, as parents age and babies are born. It takes that community of family to make a family function.
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